How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
