her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
