Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
