I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
