nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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