Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
