Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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