feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
did i walk over a car last night?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
