I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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