I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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