Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My liver just broke up with me...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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