Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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