You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
