i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're too hungover to prance.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
