So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
