is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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