Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize