in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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