Pants 0. Shit 1.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
