GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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