I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
