she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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