Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
