I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
