I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
