he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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