Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sext me about skeletons
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
