Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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