Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
