Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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