some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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