Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
