how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
