yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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