I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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