So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
