tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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