Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
