I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
NoShamevember. You game?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
