I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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