You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
