So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
