Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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