It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
