Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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