i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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