put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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