i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
