How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Boobs speak an international language.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
