She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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