Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
