She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
