I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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