I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
