I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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