Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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