Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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