He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
