i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
