shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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