So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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