Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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