I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
