what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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