Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
