did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
