omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
