1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
