Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize