I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
