Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
