clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
