there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
