At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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