Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
