If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
