Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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