And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
