Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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