i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
