You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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