Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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